laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
