I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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