Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
