i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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