He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
