I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
