So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
