I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
