I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
