Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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