That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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