I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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