I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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