Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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