Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
