I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
