Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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