I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
