is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
