Just cropdusted the office
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
