I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
