Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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