Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
