I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
