So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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