Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
