How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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