nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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