You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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