bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
