every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
