The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
