There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
