This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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