doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
