I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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