I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
