I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
