mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
