if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
