Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
