his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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