does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
