Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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