I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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