just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
