I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
