i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
