omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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