Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
