Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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