I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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