Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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