I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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